Sunday, January 07, 2007


A few days ago my son turned five. Five. I can hardly believe it. It seems like yesterday he and his twin sister were born. And since my daughter’s death one month later, it seems both like a breath and an eternity. When you prepare yourself to have twins, your mind views everything in pairs. We bought two bassinettes, two cribs, two car seats, two baby swings, two of every outfit, two, two, two of everything…and suddenly, before we could really even soak in the complete joy of having our babies, before we could take them home together, before they could even know each other’s presence outside the womb, there was only one. And now that one is turning five, growing up as an only child.

As I watch him blow out his candles and open his presents on his 5th Birthday, I can’t help but wonder what his life would have been as one of two. To have my kids together both blowing out candles and opening presents. For them to have each other as siblings and friends. Together. Two.

I try very hard to not second guess God. If He intended that my son grow up alone, then I must trust that God will tend to his every need, I must believe that God will be his companion and friend when he is alone, and I must, with my whole heart, believe that God has called him to something special in his life. He is an exceptional one. He is a one-of-a-kind one. He is my one.


Anonymous said...

Hi Cari,
This is actually kind of spooky. I went to your web site through an old link my sister, Cari Johnson, had given me a couple years ago. She had your web address at that time and had pictures posted of her first child. Last summer she had her second child, which turned out to be twins, a boy and a girl. Both luckily are healthy and growing. It was tragic for me to read about your daughter. I've seen the whole "twin" thing with my sister and it is very special. I lost a child a birth in 1998 so I know something about the loss of a baby. God bless you and your children.

Cari Johnson said...

Thanks so much for your encouraging comments. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. As you know, it's something you never "get over". You just learn Grace for each day. That is certainly quite a coincidence about your sister and me and the twins, etc... Thanks for sharing it with me. I'm happy to hear they are healthy! Please feel free to visit my blog and make comments anytime. You are always welcome.


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