Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The Meltdown

The other night, I had a meltdown. I do this occasionally and, if truth be told, I've probably had a few since the one I'm actually referring to. As it does for all of us, every now and then, my life just seems to overtake me. It kidnaps me and runs away with me. I kick and scream, but I'm powerless to make it stop.

While life is dragging me in directions I definitely do not want to go, I'm still trying to accomplish and do and finish and take care of everything that has to be done or seems to be important at the time. Struggling and doing. It's exhausting. Thus, my meltdown.

I’ve been striving to not let this happen in my life, to draw boundaries, to focus on what is important, but sometimes, in the midst of a full life, I fail miserably.

When life overtakes me, it often makes me feel like everything is meaningless. Rather than being my "reasonable acts of worship", my days become drudgery and I question whether anything I do really makes a difference. Is anyone impacted by the things I do? Does anyone care? Does God?

This morning I was pondering all this and God brought to mind the scripture “we are created in Christ to do good works that God prepared in advance for us to do.” I remembered the phrase clearly, but couldn't remember the reference. I looked it up and found it in Ephesians. Ah, very familiar territory. That verse comes right after Ephesians 2:8-9.

I've known that verse for 25 years. I learned it when I was in second grade in AWANA club at church. "It is by Grace I have been saved….not by works so that I can't boast". (obviously the Cari Johnson paraphrase version)

What a comfort from a verse I have known and rattled off most of my life. I have been saved by Grace, nothing I can do can change that (of course I know that , but a reminder is nice now and then, especially when you’ve lost sight of the path you are supposed to be walking on). God does not love me more, the more I do. He does not love me less because I don't finish my to-do list. He always gives grace.

And in addition to that Grace….God has prepared good works for me to do. What I do in my life is not meaningless, He has called me and I am part of his plan to accomplish HIS master to-do list. What I do matters to God. He has given me works to do and they are GOOD works. He prepared them for ME to do. After 30 years of Christianity, God's grace is still amazing!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am so greatful that the path that God has chosen for you has crossed the path He has chosen for me and that when its all said and done He does love us no matter what, even when we meltdown. Remember Psalm 66:10 For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver. We can't be refined unless we get melted down!I must be getting pretty sparkley! Love ya, Jen

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