"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it...." or maybe more appropriately, "Sometimes I feel I have to run away, I have to get away..." I suppose it depends on if you're in the mood for classic hymns or 80's music. (you figure out the songs). Either way, at times I have this urge to just run away and start over.
This week as we drove to some friends house for pizza, I asked The Pastor, "Don't you ever feel like packing up and moving for no reason?" But the truth is, I have a reason. Some days life is overwhelming. It's too much. There are too many parishioners to call and check on, there are too many business deals being held together by dental floss, too many loads of laundry and pages of homework to help with. The stress piles on. My Blackberry won't be silent. My pathetic reasoning is that if I could just run away from it all, pack up and move, I could alleviate the pressure.
I'm a girl who gets terrible spring fever. Okay, let's get real here...it's not spring fever, but full-on Seasonal Affective Disorder. It dogs me all winter, but I can usually outrun it until around February. By March, I'm an insane woman. I need sunshine, I need the smell of fresh cut grass, I need spring! This only worsens my desire to run. I'm sure if I could get someplace warm and sunny, balance would be restored to my life. However, knowing that it takes awhile to pack up and sell a house, I do the next best thing. I throw things away. If you've actually taken the time to read the heading on my blog, you probably thought I was kidding about the OCD, rearranging furniture, etc... but the blog don't lie! So when it seems as though the clouds are chasing me down and I'm overwhelmed by it all, I soothe my soul by purging the "stuff" out of my life (and my closet).
The way I have it figured, if I could pack up and move, it would be like cleaning out the closet and throwing everything away. I would wipe the slate clean. Less work, less relationships, less commitments. Sure, it would accumulate again, but it would take it quite awhile and frankly, I could use the rest. It sounds divine. But does it?
After we arrived at our friends' house we sat around their spacious living room with several other couples. Shoes kicked off, feet on the couch, we noshed on pizza and sipped coffee. The kids ran wild upstairs and it sounded like the roof was coming down on our heads. The guys huddled in the corner and talked about fishing reels and other boring nonsense. The girls flipped through magazines and chatted about furniture and mother-in-laws. These are friends who know my every weakness and I theirs. We pray together. We laugh together. We cry together. I wouldn't trade them for the world....even for a bit of sunshine in March.
And so some days, even though my wanderlust persists, I choose to think about my girlfriends and all the blessings that I would dare not leave. I laugh and go dig in the closet for something to throw away. (usually something of The Pastor's) and then I feel better.