Sunday, June 28, 2009
How Old Do You Think I Am?
However, I’ve recently had a breakthrough on this issue. I noticed while at Starbucks, I’m able to accurately predict ages (within a year or two) by the drink the person orders. Here are my findings…
Organic Packaged Chocolate Milk – 2-5 years old. These customers are adept at drinking out of a straw but, even with a lid will spill anything that is in a real cup. They are too short to see over the counter, so they can only choose from the refrigerated case they must stand in front of while their parent orders coffee. They might not even like the chocolate milk, but they throw such a fit to get it, that they always do.
Hot Chocolate, extra whipped cream – 8-10 years old. Only a person in this age range could stand a hot chocolate with that much chocolate and no coffee. Parents order this for their children hoping it will keep them quiet and occupied while they sit and drink their coffee. It works for the moment, but has terrible side effects once the full dose of sugar hits the bloodstream (usually right at bedtime).
Venti (extra large) Mint Mocha Chip Frappuccino with chocolate whipped cream – 13-15 years old. The drinkers of most Frappuccinos realize that they are more like a milkshake than a coffee drink, and it’s a good thing because these customers don’t even like coffee. In fact, if they accidentally got a drink that had more coffee in it than sugar, they couldn’t even drink it, no matter how un-cool they appeared to their friends.
Tall (small) 4-shot (quad) Breve (made with cream) – 22-25 years old. It can be assumed that anyone who orders a quad shot Breve is either a college student or a new parent. Nobody in any other stage of life can handle that much caffeine. It can also be noted that this age group is still young enough to eat and drink whatever they want without affecting their young figure.
Non-fat, Sugar-free, Decaf, Vanilla Latte – 35-39 years old. By this stage in life, these people have realized that the metabolism of approaching 40 and all the Quad Breves they’ve been drinking in past years has caught up with them. They’ve finally come to actually love coffee, but can’t drink any caffeine past two in the afternoon or they’re up all night.
Brewed Coffee – 60+ years old. “Frappa-what?? Just give me some coffee!”