Sunday, June 28, 2009

How Old Do You Think I Am?

I’m not very good at guessing people’s ages. At the question, “How old do you think I am?” I run for cover. Faking hearing loss, I do my best to ignore it and change the subject immediately. I’ve insulted many a nice person by trying to guess their age and I’ve come to a point in my life where I’ve decided it’s just not worth it.

However, I’ve recently had a breakthrough on this issue. I noticed while at Starbucks, I’m able to accurately predict ages (within a year or two) by the drink the person orders. Here are my findings…

Organic Packaged Chocolate Milk – 2-5 years old. These customers are adept at drinking out of a straw but, even with a lid will spill anything that is in a real cup. They are too short to see over the counter, so they can only choose from the refrigerated case they must stand in front of while their parent orders coffee. They might not even like the chocolate milk, but they throw such a fit to get it, that they always do.

Hot Chocolate, extra whipped cream – 8-10 years old. Only a person in this age range could stand a hot chocolate with that much chocolate and no coffee. Parents order this for their children hoping it will keep them quiet and occupied while they sit and drink their coffee. It works for the moment, but has terrible side effects once the full dose of sugar hits the bloodstream (usually right at bedtime).

Venti (extra large) Mint Mocha Chip Frappuccino with chocolate whipped cream – 13-15 years old. The drinkers of most Frappuccinos realize that they are more like a milkshake than a coffee drink, and it’s a good thing because these customers don’t even like coffee. In fact, if they accidentally got a drink that had more coffee in it than sugar, they couldn’t even drink it, no matter how un-cool they appeared to their friends.

Tall (small) 4-shot (quad) Breve (made with cream) – 22-25 years old. It can be assumed that anyone who orders a quad shot Breve is either a college student or a new parent. Nobody in any other stage of life can handle that much caffeine. It can also be noted that this age group is still young enough to eat and drink whatever they want without affecting their young figure.

Non-fat, Sugar-free, Decaf, Vanilla Latte – 35-39 years old. By this stage in life, these people have realized that the metabolism of approaching 40 and all the Quad Breves they’ve been drinking in past years has caught up with them. They’ve finally come to actually love coffee, but can’t drink any caffeine past two in the afternoon or they’re up all night.

Brewed Coffee – 60+ years old. “Frappa-what?? Just give me some coffee!”



9 comments:

Kelly H-Y said...

LOVE this post! Though, my drink has a bit of an age crisis, I think ... it looks to be wavering between 8-10 and 35-39! :-) Mine is a decaf grande single ristretto 5 pump chocolate nonfat no whip mocha! My goal is really just to check all the boxes on the cup! :-) Anyway ... you know my real age!

Amy Jo said...

Oh, you are funny, my Friend! And wise. And, from the mother of an 11 year old, you can add 11-12 PEPPERMINT hot chocolate, extra whip...but it's gotta be a TALL, because, well, they are no longer a "kid." Tee hee. Loved the pic of the iced coffee. Hugs, Amy

CariJ said...

Kelly, you totally crack me up! I thought I'd heard of EVERY drink at Starbucks, but you are definitely out of my league with that one! BTW, are you going to the reunion?

CariJ said...

Amy, I knew I forgot something! The peppermint mocha/hot chocolate crowd escaped me. I guess I'm going to have to keep working on my theory. :-)

Kelly H-Y said...

Nope ... not going to the reunion. By the time I'd heard about the date, we'd already made plans for that weekend (Jeff's roommate/dear friend from med school and his family are coming in from Detroit that weekend). What about you?

Jean said...

Cute observations.

Jean
http://www.jeanmatthewhall.blogspot.com

Amy said...

You are FUNNY! And you are probably right!

Anonymous said...

And what do you have to say about the person who has a hard time finding anything to order at Starbucks when meeting a friend or business associate there, but she does't like/can't stand the taste of coffee? Hmmmmm?

CariJ said...

Hmmm, good point, but like I said...if they don't order, I don't guess! Ha! By the way, The Pastor hates coffee, but loves a good cup of "Awake" tea. You could give that a try. :-)

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