Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Is Alone OK?

8 years ago today, when my daughter died, and everyday since then, I worry about my son. Without his twin sister, and with no chance of us having other children (short of a miracle), his life as an only child bothers me. It's not because I'm against having only one child...it's just that my heart goes out to him being alone.

For all our fighting and torturing (mostly on my part) when we were kids, I wouldn't trade the relationship I have with my brother for anything. I know a day will come when my mom and dad will be gone. Even now, I find comfort in the fact that when that horrible day does come, I'll have my brother to lean on and he on me. We will be the only two who can really share each others' burden. But not so for my son. He will have to deal with the ups and downs of life with only his dad and me. And someday, when we are gone, he will ultimately only have God who understands his situation.

Sometimes I worry that my son is missing something important, but maybe he is gaining more than he has lost. He doesn't spend his free time playing video games, but rather doing visitation with his dad. He doesn't have a chance to have knock-down-drag-out fights with his sister, but instead, plenty of meaningful conversations with his parents.

Currently, the joys of his life are basketball and baseball. A day or two ago, he told me, "I really wasn't made to play basketball and I wasn't made to play baseball... I was made to tell people about Jesus."

I think he's going to be just fine...


Kelly H-Y said...

Oh my ... his comment gave me chills. That is one special young man. What a touching post, Cari. I'm so sorry though ... every day must be tough, but today - on the anniversary of her passing - my heart aches for you. You are in my prayers, as is your son ... and, yes, he will be just fine.

Anonymous said...

Cari ~ I have both Jan 2 and Feb 2 written down in my prayer/devo journal. Thought of you and your dear family yesterday as I noted the date, and lifted you all up. I know you are very blessed with your son, but I know the pain of losing your daughter will remain until you are reunited in Heaven. Your son is destined to make an impact for eternity--that must make you and "The Pastor" so proud!
PD in CO

Cari Johnson said...

Thank you to both of you! I can't believe the ways that my life has been impacted for the good just for having Halee for that one month. God has worked in amazing ways and he has definitely given my son a "double portion" to make up for losing his sister. Thank you for sharing and remembering with me.


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