Thursday, February 17, 2011

Powerless Except For Prayer

My boy is sick.  Not just a passing sniffle or a cough, but he's working on day 10 of a fever.  That weighs heavy on a mom's heart (not to mention that The Pastor is very sick, as well).  Of course, I've been praying for my son to get well, but also selfishly for myself because it's so hard to watch him be sick and miserable.  As parents we never want to have to watch our kids suffer, no matter what the reason. 

But the other night, as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling and praying that maybe tonight would be the night his fever broke, I found myself broken, but in a different way.  My heart suddenly went out to every single mother on earth who has to watch her children suffer in terrible, terrible ways, yet is powerless to do anything about it. 

If it's difficult for me to watch a fever and wait for the doctor to decide what to do, how hard is it for a mom to watch her children slowly, day by day, die of malnutrition?  How hard is it to watch your bald, pale child lie in the cancer unit of St. Judes Hospital, knowing there is no cure?  How hard must it be to watch your child suffer with infection or malaria or some other disease and know there is no available medicine.  Laying warm in my bed that night, I felt a desperation for those whose situations are far worse than mine.

These are problems which demand a resolution, but to which one is not available except by the grace of God.  I'm thankful that antibiotics will likely soon heal my son, but I'm maybe more grateful that I was given the small opportunity to look beyond myself and my own comfortable world and have a chance to ponder the severe hurts that only God can heal.


Anonymous said...

Hi Cari - it's your X-Aunt Barbara here. My heart was so touched by what you wrote about a parent watching their child suffer. I know a bit about that. But the true experts in the family are probably yourself and your Mom and Dad. God answered your prayers and you have your son. However the anguish you experience before you got your son had to have been traumatic to you, with your big Mothers' Heart! I hope someday he will read this -- maybe after he has a child or 2 -- and will realize how special you are - as Cari - the Mom. Thank God for your compassion and caring AND being married to the Pastor! Hugs!

Cari Johnson said...

Hi,Barbara! Thank you so much for your kind words. We ARE so thankful for our son and God has truly blessed us through him. It's really great to hear from you! I hope things are well with you. :-)

Kelly H-Y said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kelly H-Y said...

So very well said, Cari.
I had a similar experience not quite two years ago when my healthy, always-on-the-go boy got very sick the day after his 7th bday ... with his lymph nodes swelling so much that he couldn't move his neck ... he looked like a football player. He was in terrible pain and had a fever that wouldn't break. The symptoms were so scary ... and I knew what they were quickly checking and testing for (the word that is every parent's worst nightmare) ... it turned out to be mono, of all things. BUT, I had the same thoughts as you. I also gained an even greater appreciation for those in the medical world (hubby included!) ... my son's doctors, the local hospital, etc. got him in for appointments, no questions asked, no waiting ... all based on the serious nature of his symptoms. They were clearly trying to find an answer fast, which set my heart at ease. We are so very lucky to have access to that type of care!

Cari Johnson said...

Yes, we are very blessed for the care that we have available. How scary to have to wonder what's wrong. Mono is awful in kids and not much better in adults. Glad he was all mended up and thanks to your hubby and all the others in that profession!!


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