Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Year That Wasn't
I think I might have amnesia. Though I'm desperately trying to recall, I don't know what happened to this year. I wandered into my home office the other day and realized I hadn't been in there in a long while. I have this great space in my basement that's decked out with a large executive desk, bookshelves, and a fantastic whiteboard. Nicknamed, "The Mama Room", my office is a haven of rest for reading, writing, and relaxing...yet I haven't even darkened the door since...well, I can't remember.
When I finally did enter The Mama Room, I wistfully read my whiteboard, which had all of my goals for 2011 written on it. Ugh. I haven't done any of them. My kayak never touched the lake this summer, I didn't write any articles this year, and I never got the redesign of my blog finished (or started, for that matter).
I vaguely remember turning 40 this spring, then after that, it's only a blur. So what happened? I had goals. I had plans. But, for all my attempts, I've accomplished none of it. Even as I write this, Proverbs 16:9 is ringing in my ears. "In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
This has felt very much like the year that "wasn't". It's flown by and I feel like I've missed it, but if I stop and think about the steps the Lord has directed me in, I see that I'm woefully wrong. I took a fantastic two week vacation, visiting dear friends and family. I was blessed to speak at our annual women's retreat for church. I've made new friends, learned new things, and been given new opportunities. And now, God is leading me to India.
Maybe this isn't the year that "wasn't", after all. Maybe it's the year that "is". And, maybe I am not in control, but I'm in the control of the great I AM.